Yo guys ~ Because I cannot fall back asleep and woke up early, I recently have caught a case of paranoia
I think stuffed toys are talking to me.
Feel free to ignore this if you don't want to read a long journal
I've been feeling a little ill lately, most likely from confusion and being paranoid.
I know this is really stupid to be asking and even become bothered in the first place, but it won't stop bothering me.
There's a few things that are bothering me.
Firstly, I feel like people only like me because I draw Blaze the Cat. I hope that's not true, because I would feel like people only see the tip of the iceberg which means, I feel like some only see the surface of the artist/person I am. It's true I only used to post my Sonic/Blaze artwork on this site due to insecurities, but slowly I've been trying to expand and show more than just Sonic. I'm fine with that, but now I have troubles sleeping when these thoughts keep coming, like as if something in hindering me from staying calm.
Naahhh.. I'm not angry or pointing out names, this thought has been going on for a long time now, and lately it attacks me and I don't know what else to do but express it here. It's easier like that, right? ;u;
I just want to say that I shouldn't just focus myself on Blaze the Cat, I've learned to expand and I know I can't just draw her as my subject in art. I'm sure many art students feel like this, and we learn to go our own ways with what has inspired us. Blaze the Cat has done that for me and I truly thank her for that, even if she is just a fictitious character, she still resides in my heart as an artist, because she was what made me start taking art seriously.
Yes, I'm throwing my thoughts about Blaze the Cat here, and perhaps a little read for people to understand who BlazeCake
is. This is because lately some people have been asking about Sonic fan art or my Blaze fan art as well. I think ever since I started showing more or less of Marisa Kirisame
from Touhou Project
it has bothered me if people only like me because of Blaze. We all have our likes and dislikes. I honestly don't watch a lot of TV or even anime these days.. (I truly live in a box ~ I'm so isolated from the world, the internet is basically all I got for socializing) However, my reasons for liking Marisa is because I feel I share her personality. I've known Marisa for a long time now, probably longer than I have seen Blaze and this was accidental. When I was growing up I've seen relatives play Touhou and when they let me play, I'd always pick Marisa. No idea why, I was so young and I probably was attracted to her hat. Now I'm fully capable of understanding fictional characters, and after reading about Marisa and some doujin.. I suppose that was the moment I started to cry and feel for a character. Although, ZUN (creator of Touhou) does not explicitly explain his character's back stories, the Touhou fandom and it's vastness for creative just strikes me. I don't think I'm going obsessed though, or else I'd kill my wallet and buy hundreds of action figures of her
I've been living alone in some dark times since I was younger with no friends really. I'd say, Sonic the Hedgehog has kept me going and has probably saved my life for more than I can remember. I'm a proud Sonic fan and loving Sonic since I was just a toddler. I remember being bullied because of the blue hedgehog. Now, I am not saying it was only me that has been offended by my likes, I am sure other people have felt this way as well.
The theme about what I am saying is.. Why must humans judge other human beings?
Do we think we know more about the opposing party and that we're more superior than others?
This is probably an old theme that has been going on for centuries, despite how my issue may be less of a disaster unlike how history explains how racism used to be extreme. I am not going to go write about that though, because I am sure a lot of us know what that is.
Ignorance is what causes these conflicts and if we continue to judge before we get to know someone, conflicts like these would just continue. However, I'm positive many of us know this already and here I am writing about this because I'm so paranoid now
Going back to Blaze the Cat.. Would people dislike me if I changed my dA name to let's say.. Marisa-daaZE
? Being honest, these names would not be recognizable like the name BlazeCake
would. These are just but names though, but that doesn't mean I am a different person. I can say that these names are a mask or an illusion. (Just in case someone gets confused: I am not changing my name on deviantART, this was just an example.
Anyways.. This was just a journal to let out some feelings I've been having. Maybe knowing some "friends" have left me over the years because of my constant changing and confusion
.. I wanted to make this journal just in case..
Just in case.. *cries* Now I'm scared to press the Public Entry
Another thing that is bothering me is school..
It's almost diplomas and I haven't studied yet. I AM SO SCREWED.. Must study.. Must study..
Studying is good for you only if you don't stress over it and spread out studying times.
I've only studied for probably an hour all this holiday when I promised myself "I'm going to study 40 minutes everyday!"
Yeah.. Didn't happen
I wanted to do so many things. I suck at school.
Alright, I pressed the button ;n; please people.. Don't think I'm angry, I'm just confused and paranoid and I just had to let out some feelings before I become restless again.
(Still making a new CSS.. XD)